Suffolk 28.8.18

Daylight and the start of the new day always brings a different perspective but that has to be as long as I’ve had SOME sleep.

Fell asleep just after 9 and woke at 9.40. It’s something.

Waking – for some reason – felt worse than any sort of jet lag / hangover / comedown. Still out of breath and edgy but my mind hurt and confused by the strange cocktail of supplements that I overprescribed during the night. Several doses of magnesium citrate, then phosphatidyl serine but also Ibuprofen. In my ignorant mind I was overcompensating for not taking Xanax.

This strange cocktail produced strange dreams. I was giving a blonde woman a piggyback and she was making unexpected advances on me which I didn’t know how to respond to. I woke briefly, confused and searching for  the memory of something pleasant then back into a school / theatre situation where a midget with a cap of no obvious gender identity prattled on about King Lear then I jumped back to Heathfield School and it was that typical trick in a murder mystery where people are getting killed one by one (Agatha Christie, etc) but you’ve been tricked into forgetting about one of the characters and then – boom – the bodies are discovered! Well in this case it was Karl, the assistant head, and Scott the DT teacher.

Isn’t it ridiculous? But these strange stories were imbued with an overriding feeling of unhappiness and distaste with the world I was in.

There comes a point where you can’t turn away from a problem and you have to face it head on. I’ve had to radically change the way I drive because I have 12 points. This is more pressing. I forgot how serious it can get and I realised it at the start of the year. I have to get back into that mindset..

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