Somerset April 8th

11.45 PM

Silence. Stillness. Back on my ledge at the top of the stairs on the landing with the window open watching the ancient, repetitive journey of our satellite in the South West sky. An incredibly powerful fragrance of viburnum flower wafts in with the gentlest of breezes. A promise of Spring.

It was like Summer today. Twenty degrees or more and suddenly everywhere life is appearing en masse. It makes the lockdown more manageable.

Wrote an article today about walking from home and discovering the world on our doorsteps. It’s ok.

Been watching Alex Tolstoy on TV, first in a programme called ‘Horse People’ and second in a tragic documentary about her recent life and her acrimonious separation from her billionaire Russian ex husband.

We were at school together. Was she in the year above? I think so. I remember then she was already a bit of a star – people were talking about her – I guess her name preceded her and that amazing blonde hair and complexion. In fact she has probably become more attractive with age.

Also been reading diaries of mine from 5 years ago from my break up with V then the aftermath in Somerset followed by the move to Bristol. Many mentions of how directionless I felt, how low. How different I feel now. Lots of self aware comments about time and how worried I was about age.

Here I am, older but feeling younger and realising it’s just a state of mind.

Midnight

Goodbye great day. April 8th. I wrote. I listened to the first day of the epic 3rd test against Australia from last Summer. They’re rerunning the whole game on TMS. It was the first day of the county cricket season today. I ran. I walked several miles from Midelney to Thorney and then across West Moor to Hambridge and then back along the Westport Canal to Midelney.

I called mum from Midelney. She was low. It’s going on so long. This waiting for Dad to pass and his gradual decline. So slow. So slow. He hasn’t said anything for a month. He sleeps a lot. And meanwhile we can’t go to see her.

Someday soon it’ll be a strange memory and life will just carry on as normal. We have the ability to forget so easily.

Both of us hadn’t even registered it was going to be Easter this weekend. For most people it won’t seem like the Easter break. Who knows what I’ll do or if it’ll be much different from any other of the last 2 weeks I’ve been here. Maybe I’ll see Sam.

This time last year I was in Romania and flew back just in time to celebrate Mum and Dad’s Golden Wedding on April 12th. How much has changed.

The moon is a little higher and silence reigns supreme over the village. The breeze and scent are still constant and fill me with hope. Spring is here at last.

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