Clifton, Feb 8th
Icy winds and freezing temperatures today. They’ve had half a foot of snow in Suffolk. Nothing here, unfortunately.
Last day of online teaching for a while. Friday would be my next teaching day but we’ll have inset and then it’s half term.
It’ll be a strange half term this year. I’ve been pretty good so far but think I’ll do a night at the cottage. Go rinse some tunes and catch up with Sam. I think I’ll also do a trip to The Cotswolds Way to continue my walking, which I had to put on hold before Christmas.
Had Jade’s birthday on Saturday night. Had a good bonding with her and Charlie and we agreed how lucky we were to get on at such a difficult time. I wish we could live together for longer but I think Charlie and her want to move in with each other and take it to the next level which is fair enough. Didn’t feel too rubbish today amazingly.
Went for a walk on Saturday with Carolina from Colombia. We walked around the Downs, into the valley with the goats (although no goats) and then back throigh Clifton, past the zoo and onto the Downs to her car. 2 and a half hours. Pretty good going for a first proper date. There was something about it. The sun was out and was just noticeably stronger. People were everywhere: walking, shopping, cycling, queueing for pastries outside pop up bakeries and not much else. Remember how limited we are? It felt like we hadn’t had a proper sunny day for weeks. It has been that long.
I wasn’t sure to start with but by the time we got to her car there was an urge to reach out to her. I kissed her on both cheeks and reached my hand out. She half reached out too but I had already let my arm drop and so I had to say goodbye and walk away. Yet there I had a real skip as I walked down Whiteladies.
Now I’m confused. Walked in The Cotswolds with Joanna. It was cold and she started to say how bad her circulation was. I rubbed her middle finger to get the blood flowing again as we paused in a muddy little gully and as I did so her finger nail gashed my hand and I had to wrap a handkerchief round my thumb to stop the bleeding.
When we got back to our cars we leaned over a wall side by side and laughed about being fans of the National Trust. It was a moment where our faces were close and I could have reached across to her but I didn’t really want to. Instead I felt bad and invited her back from tea. Oh well. I think deep down I don’t really want to have a relationship at the moment. I know I don’t.